The Five Commandments of Beer Marketing

Your beer packaging could look like this!
Your beer packaging could look like this!

In between trips to rehab, the beer group at Ideopia has been searching for the ultimate beer client. To fully establish ourselves as thought leaders in the field, we have created the Five Commandments of Beer Marketing: a guaranteed recipe for selling even the worst swill.

1. Carefully pick a name  like “Madtree’s Psycopathy,” “Skull Splitter” and “Rogue’s Dead Man Ale” that zero in on the benefits of your brew. When in doubt, use this time-tested formula [MOTHER’S NAME] + [WORD ASSOCIATED WITH DEATH OR NEAR DEATH]. For example, “Betty’s Woodchopper Pilsner.” Then turn it into a cool bar call, like “Gimme another Bad Betty!”

2. Packaging. The bigger the brewery, the more handmade (trashier) you should make your package look. Reliable standbys include monsters, vikings, maidens, skeletons, ninjas and skulls. Use a sheaf of wheat at your own risk.

3. Don’t forget tons of social media links, and a clever story about your first batch. We’re all about building communities, because that’s where the parties are.

4. By the way, nobody drinks a 12-ounce beer anymore. Not even hipsters. Think cans, and supersize from 22 or 32 ounce to mini keg. Encourage more sloshing at a single sitting, and lower your packaging costs per ounce.

5. Marketing: While your beer has that homey, slightly illegal look, you need to back it up with heavy data mining, and a serious marketing automation system. Goals: Identify heavy users and deliver coupons to them before they run dry. Use social media. And start a conversation by posting their drunken selfies, twerking and breakup pics. (Got one? post it to our Facebook page.)

Pricing: Craft beers should be priced at least 150% more than the common crap beers. That’s how consumers know it’s good. For you big batchers, the general rule is 100% over cost plus the percentage of alcohol.

 

Remember the Five Commandments of Beer Marketing, and you can sell just about any rotgut that comes out of your basement.

If you need additional help with your beer marketing, though that’s highly unlikely, give Susan Abramovitz a call at 513-947-1444 x10. Planning a tasting? We’d love to come.

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