Tag Archives: Voice of the Consumer

Every time I hear a young mother tell her toddler to “use his words,” I cringe. Tell the kid to blow out his peas and carrots instead, I say. There are too many words already. And the more words there are the cheaper they become. Thanks to the Internet, we have huge containers called websites, discussion boards, MySpace, and – the worst – personal, blogs, that overflow with words faster than a McDonald’s Dumpster. Our society is bloated with words while the average working stiff barely has enough time to floss every day. The “axis of evil,” of course, is the computer, especially the Apple computer. It’s too freaking easy. Copy, cut, paste, and share every last photo of your kid’s last soccer game, and then blow it out to all your friends, colleagues and family. Guess what? Outside of mom, dad and brother Billy Bob, nobody cares. I know, because plenty of my best friends don’t read my stuff.

Our customers are beleaguered by all our words. They’re deluged, frustrated, and close to exploding. That’s why I’m calling for a national word diet. We’ll train ourselves to think in haiku, and stick our fingers down our throats anytime we splatter down more than 50 words. Soon people will opt to visit wordless resorts free of scrolling text and email, or desperate emails from the Nicaraguan princesse who wants to launder her inheritance through your bowling league.

The problem is that rarely know when to stop, edit, slash, or burn. There’s too much available hard disk space, and by God we’ve got to fill it. My 200 words were up 88 words ago. See you in the bathroom.